


how it feels so real (lying here with no one near)

by xuxisquish



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Choi San is Whipped, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Park Seonghwa is Whipped, Polyamory, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, everyone is soft, everyone loves hongjoong, lots of kisses idk, mentioned minsang, this is GROSS its so sappy i apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:28:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25674346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxisquish/pseuds/xuxisquish
Summary: “Seonghwa,” he said abruptly as he sat cross-legged on the bed they shared, “I know you have a crush on Hongjoong.”Seonghwa’s head snapped towards him, his eyes widened in an expression of pure shock. Then he started stuttering an explanation, justifying himself, trying to counter that he most definitely did not--“But that’s okay!” San blurted, cutting straight through his boyfriend’s rambling. “That’s okay,” he repeated, slowly, carefully, “because I have a crush on him, too.”orin which seonghwa starts looking at hongjoong differently, and his boyfriend can't even be mad because it would be impossible NOT to look at him like that.
Relationships: Choi San/Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kang Yeosang/Song Mingi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 175





	how it feels so real (lying here with no one near)

**Author's Note:**

> HEY my first ateez fic it was TIME!!! anyways this is not betaed we die like men! ignore typos/errors & enjoy!

San noticed it on a late Saturday night, when all eight of them were spent from dance practice, sitting in a corner of the practice room and sweating buckets. Hongjoong was the only one still standing, working on one specific move that he was hell-bent on getting perfectly.

Gulping down the little water he had left, San let out a sigh, turning to the side to speak to his boyfriend, but froze halfway through his movement when he saw the scene before him. Seonghwa’s mouth was hanging open, his cheeks dusted pink, and his eyes were trained on Hongjoong as he danced in front of the mirror. 

He was watching Hongjoong like he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

And when San turned his gaze to the object of his boyfriend’s attention, his heart clenched, because  _ oh. Oh _ , he thought. Hongjoong  _ was  _ the most beautiful thing in the world. 

Skin glistening with a thin layer sweat, his shorts hiked up slightly by the complicated footwork he’d just done, Hongjoong gave San a smile, pushing back his wet hair from his face, and San nearly stopped functioning. 

“Thanks for waiting, guys,” the leader said, breaking the strange trance San had fallen in and heading for Yunho, who was holding his water bottle. “I appreciate it.”

He grabbed it from Yunho’s extended arm, brought it to his mouth and tipped his head back to guzzle down mouthfuls of water, clear liquid dripping down his chin and neck, and San nearly swore out loud. Then, he turned to face Seonghwa, who was very clearly blushing. 

San let out a soft sigh. It seemed they were in quite some trouble.

-

“Checkmate,” Seonghwa said as he moved his queen to the right, and San let out a loud groan.

“This is unfair,” he pouted, receiving only a chuckle in answer. “I can’t believe you always win at this stupid game.”

It’d been about a week since the practice room incident, and San hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. He’d spent hours lying awake in bed, pondering over what exactly had happened. The fact that this wasn’t the first time Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong like  _ that _ . The way he realized his boyfriend looked at San the same way. How it didn’t bother him just as much as it probably should, and instead made his heart race. He’d mulled over it, and still hadn’t come to a certain conclusion. But San had always been more of an  _ act first think later  _ guy, and he strongly disliked overthinking, so his first solution was always to voice his concerns. His brutal honesty backfired sometimes, but it was often a great starter for healthy communication, and it had helped Seonghwa and his relationship quite a lot. So, as his boyfriend was putting away the chess board, San decided to jump right into it.

“Seonghwa,” he said abruptly as he sat cross-legged on the bed they shared, “I know you have a crush on Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa’s head snapped towards him, his eyes widened in an expression of pure shock. Then he started stuttering an explanation, justifying himself, trying to counter that he most definitely  _ did not _ \--

“But that’s okay!” San blurted, cutting straight through his boyfriend’s rambling. “That’s okay,” he repeated, slowly, carefully, “because I have a crush on him, too.”

At that, Seonghwa dropped the chest set, and it clattered to the ground, the pieces inside rattling against the wooden board. San winced.

“You  _ what _ ?”

“I mean, I might be completely wrong here, and, if I am, this was a confession that I have feelings for someone else as well. Do what you want with that.” San inhaled sharply. “But I  _ don’t  _ think I am wrong. I see the way you look at him. It’s the same way you look at me.” He tilted his head to the side, gave his boyfriend a coy smile. “You’re not slick.”

Seonghwa looked away, and a victorious feeling bloomed in San’s chest as his boyfriend’s cheeks darkened to a deep red. “I… don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, and San rolled his eyes.

“Sure you don’t. Now tell me, am I right?”

Seonghwa shrugged gruffly, clicking his tongue. “Of course.” He sighed through his nose. “Of course, you’re right, as always. Was I… Was I that obvious?”

With a bright grin, San nodded, and Seonghwa’s blush deepened. “Oh, crap.” 

“It’s fine! It’s cute.”

With a roll of his eyes, Seonghwa made his way to the bed, sitting right beside his boyfriend and resting his head on his shoulder. “Stop it.” He hesitated for a second, then, “So you like him too, huh?”

“Yeah, I do,” San scoffed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Have you  _ seen  _ that man?”

Seonghwa nodded slowly. “Oh yeah, I have. He’s…”

San nodded, and Seonghwas head on his shoulder jostled a little. “Yeah. He’s… yes,” he said, as if that was an explanation, but his boyfriend understood perfectly well.

Seonghwa let out a long breath, closing his eyes. “Well, that relieves me. Here I was, feeling like a dirty cheater for wanting someone else.”

San huffed. “Oh, hush. You’re no cheater for having feelings. And Joong is an extremely valid excuse.”

“Pfft. If you say so.” He hummed a bit, nuzzling into San’s shoulder. “So… what do we do?”   
  


“Huh?”

“Well… do we tell him?” Seonghwa inquired, and bit down a smile as San laced his fingers with is. “Or will that be too sudden?”

“I’m pretty sure being told two of your fellow members that are already dating each other have a crush on you would be quite a lot to take in,” San mused, fiddling with Seonghwa’s fingers. “I think we should ease into it.”

“And…” Seonghwa bit his lip. “What if… he doesn’t like us back?”

San’s hand froze. “How could he not? Have you  _ seen  _ us?”Seonghwa let out a soft chuckle. “Just kidding. If he doesn’t, that’s perfectly fine! We’ll leave him be. And we’re much too close for it to be awkward if he says no, or something. Remember when Mingi confessed to Yeosang two years ago and he rejected him? It just brought them closer together.”

Seonghwa hummed in answer. “I suppose you’re right.” Then, a snicker. “But the Yeosang and Mingi example doesn’t really stand, because they’re together now, anyways.”

“Oh, hush,” San mumbled, pouting. “You know what point I was trying to make.”

“Yeah.” Seonghwa lifted his head from San’s shoulder, feeling his neck starting to ache, but picked up one of his hands between his. “Yeah, we should try.” 

He gave San a smile that made his heart hurt. “I love you,” he said, suddenly, and Seonghwa’s cheeks turned pink.

“I love you, too,” he told San, and brought a hand under his chin to place a quick kiss on his cheek. 

“Now,” San added, “let’s go get our boy.”

-

San managed to make his move on a cool weekend evening, when both he and Hongjoong were scrolling through their phones on the bed, their backs pressed against each other. There was only the sound of their breathing, the occasional crumpling of sheets when one of them shifted their position a bit, the muted but constant whirring of Hongjoong’s old computer in the background, and San felt at peace. 

It wasn’t often that he got to enjoy some peace and quiet like this, being in a group with such hyper members, but at least once every week he spent an hour like this, in Hongjoong’s room, without speaking, both of them enjoying the other’s company all while recharging in silence.

And sometimes, during which San considered himself extremely lucky, Hongjoong initiated cuddles and the younger was left struggling to keep his racing heartbeat unnoticed. Today was one of those nights, apparently, because after a while, he felt Hongjoong shuffle a bit in place against his back, before turning completely around so that his chest was pressed against him, slipping an arm around San’s waist.

A blush rose to the other boy’s cheeks when he felt a nose nuzzle into his shoulder. He shot a look behind him, straining to turn his face towards the leader. “Sleepy?” he asked softly, and nearly melted when Hongjoong hummed quietly, scrunching up his nose. And there was a strange glint in his eyes, something resembling fondness, and San froze when Hongjoong’s face neared his, the older boy placing a soft kiss on his cheek. 

San blinked once. Twice. Thought he might be having a heart attack with how quickly it was beating, like it was eager to jump out of his chest. Hongjoong just gave him a sheepish smile, nervously chewing on his lower lip, and that was it for San.

He flipped on his other side so that he was facing the red-haired boy, and jutted out his chin so he could place a peck on Hongjoong’s forehead. At that, a soft giggle came out of his pink mouth, and his cheeks dusted with a light blush. Something flipped in San’s chest. He brought his face closer again, and gave him another kiss, on the cheek this time. And Hongjoong didn’t do anything to stop him, only fisted his hands in San’s shirt, as if to pull him closer again, so the younger complied, and kissed softly at the skin just beneath his mouth. Then at the tip of his nose. Then at the spot between his eyebrows. Hongjoong was smiling, and that alone was enough to take the air right out of San’s lungs.

And when the leader tugged at him once more, asking him not to stop, San did the one thing that had been on his mind for the past weeks, and placed the next kiss right atop Hongjoong’s lips.

At that, the smaller man’s eyes flew open, and a gasp escaped his mouth. San’s heart twisted painfully in his chest and he pulled back a bit. Too soon. He’d gone too quick, and now he’d ruined everything for--

“Why did you kiss me?” Hongjoong breathed, all the sleepiness on his face now vanished.

San scratched at the back of his head and looked away, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I’m really, really sorry, Joong, I didn’t--”

“Why did you kiss me,” the other repeated, “when you’re dating Seonghwa?”

And it was the fact that his voice wasn’t angry or accusatory but  _ curious _ that made San look him in the eye again. 

“Uh.” He hesitated for a bit, trying to find the best way to explain the situation. “Don’t freak out. And what I’m about to say might be a lot to take in, so… brace yourself. And there’s no pressure for you to give an immediate answer or anything.” San exhaled sharply. “A few weeks ago, Seonghwa and I realized we had a crush on you.”

The response was immediate. “ _ Huh _ ?”

“As in, we like you. Romantically. Both of us.”

Hongjoong seemed to process that information for a second, then his jaw dropped. “ _ What _ ?”

“Yeah, um, I warned you it might be a lot, sorry. I’ll leave you to think about it,” San chuckled nervously. “But, once again, you don’t owe us anything. We won’t make it weird if you don’t reciprocate. We just had to put it out there.” He pushed himself off the bed and scurried towards the door, giving Hongjoong a small smile over his shoulder. “Goodnight, Joong.”

He shut the door behind him.

-

San was going insane.

It had just been a few hours since he’d confessed to Hongjoong, and he was already about to lose his mind at the suspense, nerve-wracking anxiety tying knots in the pit of his stomach. In times like these, he really wished he was good at managing stress like his boyfriend was. 

“Do you think I scared him off?” San asked, laying facedown on the floor of his room, his speech muffled by the cheek he had pressed against the ground. “Did I do too much?”

Seonghwa, who was getting ready for the day, sighed deeply. “We’ll find out soon. Stop panicking so much.”

“I’m not panicking,” San mumbled, but that was an outright lie. He felt like throwing his guts up. 

“You are.” There was a small creak and a rumple of sheets, like Seonghwa was pushing himself off the bed, and soon San felt a hand carefully carding through his hair. “Don’t overthink it baby.”

San let out a whine, about to retort that it was easier said than done, but he was stopped by the shrill sound of a notification from his phone. He jerked upwards, but Seonghwa patted his head soothingly. “I’ll go get it for you. Stay there.”

And it was the tiny little things like this, San thought, that made him fall deeper for his boyfriend. “I love you,” he whispered, and Seonghwa laughed as he handed him his cellphone.

“Out of the blue, like that?”

“Yep.” San sat up straight, and his phone screen lit up as another text message came in. His heart stopped when he noticed the contact name. “It’s Joong,” he breathed, and his boyfriend’s head snapped towards him, interest piqued. “He wants to talk to us. Both of us.”

The older man scrambled to stand up, the eagerness in his movements easily noticeable. “Well, let’s go, then!”

Another  _ ping! _ from the cellphone, and San’s mouth stretched into a fond smile. “He’s at the door right now.”

That was all it took for Seonghwa to run to the door, frantically unlocking it and pulling it open so strongly San thought it would be ripped right off its hinges. The sight that greeted him made his stomach do a full backflip, and, from the expression on Seonghwa’s face, he guessed it was the same for his boyfriend. Hongjoong was standing there, dwarfed by the oversized sweater he was wearing, wringing his fingers in the hem of it and nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry, I was too shy to knock,” Hongjoong breathed, his voice so small and soft San felt like he’d become a mushy puddle of goo if he heard it again.

“Uh, that’s--” Seonghwa stammered. “Don’t worry about it, Joong, come in…”

So he did, stepping inside with a sheepish smile, his cheeks dusted with the prettiest shade of red. Seonghwa closed the door behind him, and they both made their way to where San was sitting on the floor. 

“What’s up?” San asked, trying to make his voice sound as careful as possible, when he was in reality bursting with impatience.

“Uh, well. You confessed to me yesterday. I mean... you confessed for both of you?”

The two boyfriends blushed simultaneously. “Yeah, um,” San muttered, scratching at the back of his neck, “that I did.”

Hongjoong took in a sharp breath, like he was preparing to say something important. “Okay, well, I was a bit shocked at first.” San winced. They were going to get rejected. “But not in a bad way! I was shocked because I’ve been crushing on you both since we debuted so it was a bit of a surprise when you told me…”

San raised an eyebrow. Shared a look with Seonghwa. Then, both of them spoke simultaneously. “You  _ what _ ?”

The leader laughed nervously, his blush deepening. “Yeah. I’ve liked you both for a while, now. When you started dating, at first, I was a bit jealous, I have to admit, but then I realized… You two being together and able to love each other like you both deserve to be loved made me feel all fuzzy inside, so… I was happy for you guys.”

San was still processing the fact that Hongjoong liked them back, so Seonghwa took the initiative, though maybe not with the greatest method. 

“So you mean you never said anything because you didn’t mind us being boyfriends?”

“Yeah, that’s what I just said.”

Seonghwa shook his head. “You should’ve told us, Joongie…”

“And what?” Hongjoong interrupted, firmly but with no ill intent. “What would that have changed, that you’d known--”

“Well, we’d have asked you to be our boyfriend!” San cut in urgently.

Hongjoong’s eyebrows furrowed. “Like… both?” San nodded. “Is that a thing? I mean… I know I have a crush on two people, but a  _ relationship _ with two people… How does that work?”

“I’m not sure either,” Seonghwa admitted with a shrug. “But we could make it work.” Then his head shot up, a spark of panic in his eyes. “If you want to! I meant only if you want to, we could try--”

“Yeah.”

San couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at Hongjoong’s brutal honesty.

“Yeah,” he repeated. “Let’s make it work.” Then he shot both boyfriends a blinding smile that gave life to a whole bunch of butterflies.

Then, without warning, he leaned forwards and placed the softest kiss on Seonghwa’s lips, and San suddenly felt all warm inside. “It was your turn, since San kissed me yesterday,” Hongjoong explained to a stunned Seonghwa, and San poked him in the cheek.

“Ha, I got a Joong kiss before you.”

“Oh yeah?” Seonghwa asked, and grabbed Hongjoong’s chin to kiss him again, both of their cheeks red like cherries. “Well I got  _ two  _ Joong kisses.”

With a pout, San crossed his arms. “That’s unfair.”

“Oh, come on,” Hongjoong said, rolling his eyes, but gave him a sweet peck nevertheless.

They bickered like that for a while, and San didn’t know exactly how the got into that position, but after a few minutes, they were all sitting on the ground, their backs pressed against the bed, with Seonghwa in the middle and both boys leaning their heads on his shoulder.

“So…” San started carefully, fiddling with Seonghwa’s fingers. “You’re my…  _ our  _ boyfriend now?”   
  


Hongjoong shrugged. “I guess so.” Then a small, satisfied sigh. “I can’t believe I get to hold both of your hands.”

San shot him a look, small, radiating, gorgeous Hongjoong, then let his gaze slide to his other boyfriend, stunning, composed, patient Seonghwa. His heart swelled so much he thought it would burst as he whispered, “Yeah, me neither.”

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/NJMPRNT)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/xuxisquish)


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